What Is Our Culture?

For thousands of years Indians have pride themselves for their culture. The culture that I should call mine as well. But, what is that culture?

• The wife needs to burn herself alive after the husband dies.
• A princess needs to be married off, and only a prince can rule a kingdom.
• Only a male child brings honour to our family.
• We are not Indians, we are Rajput, Tamils, Kannadigas, Gujaratis, Maratha, etc.
• You can wager anything in gambling, even your wife.
• Also, one woman has to be a wife of 5 princes.
• When you are angry, curse people, even though, you are a well learned Sadhu who is about to attain moksha. But no, you have no control over your anger and you can curse people. But yes, also preach peace and meditation.
• Since some Mughal kings were bad, the entire community is bad. Also, they are not Indian.
• A woman (court dancer) can fall in love with a prince, but if she does she is buried alive.
• A naughty kid can eat butter from houses, steal clothes of bathing women, do dandiya with 1600 gopiyas, should be worshipped because…. he did something good, I just can’t recall it. Yeah he was God, and he just let everything go wrong before he intervened to help fix it.
• 4000 years ago some dude said, let’s play a game, put some coins around a bull’s horn, whoever is able to get the coins, keeps them.
• Another dude said, let’s race with bulls.
• One more was like, fuck it, I will just eat those bulls, you do what you want. Humans hunt animals and eat them.
• It is totally okay to just massacre millions and then realise your mistake, later devote yourself to a peaceful religion. No uproar whatsoever.
• There were caste systems from the beginning of Indian culture. Kshatriya, Bhramin, Vaishya, Shudra. Thousands of years ago, we created a divide based on which house we are born in.  Marvellous.
• A God can take form of a slutty dancer to break the concentration of a praying Yogi.
• We let a lunatic side-kick roam around heaven among Gods chanting one phrase and having a kick out of pulling legs of Gods.
• You can ask your wife to walk through fire.
• You can ask your wife to leave.
• You can love someone and marry someone else.
• Write a book about sexual pleasures.
• Use your wise brain to destroy opposition and then call it Chanakyaniti. I mean, couldn’t you have used it to make peace?
• You can spend money on building temples but not hospitals. This is also an old tradition, remember all the big temples and idols commissioned by the kings over time?
• Slavery was okay. We used to call them dasis.
• Monarchy is fine. A king’s word is final. Hmmm. Modern world calls it dictatorship. Quite an interesting culture.
• Swayamvar, a woman allowed to choose her husband. But wait, this is something we don’t follow anymore.
• Being too proud of Indian culture.

Alright I am tired of writing it down. If you get the message share this. If you do not agree with the message, share it and tell people how idiotic I am. If you do not get the message, share it and ask people to explain it to you.

But, if you think we had a great culture. Think again. This time think hard.

Peace Out.

-Naimish Sanghvi

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