This world ain’t no place for sane people like you.
This is what I tell myself from time to time. It makes me feel better when I am angry or upset about something that isn’t going my way. Is it really true? Something to wonder. Is this the right place for me? Am I really sane? Am I intelligent? Am I truly alive? Okay the last one was a dumb question. Rest all, however, are relative. I am only saner than the person clinically declared insane. I am only more intelligent than the person who has a tad bit lesser IQ than me. Over the time, the world has defined standards, standards to measure people’s sanity. Then they defined laws. Laws for people on how they should act based on where they stand in these standards. I’m old enough to be married, should be responsible for my parents, should be making money, buying a house, having a car, these are the laws. That’s not all. There are limitations on the way I talk, the way I joke, and the way I follow or break rules. Some rules are meant to be broken they say, what they never say is that every age has some specific rules that are meant to be broken.
I can now channelize my anger to words on this very blog. It’s a better option. Yet, I ask, is it really better? Better than what? Maybe worse. Worser than what? Even the word worser is no longer used in common practice. For those who will find this word grammatically incorrect, won’t know how common it was in the 15th and 16th century. The complexity of life remains in each of my blog. A tormented episode of a wavering thought chain that results in scrambling of words who would make any grammar Nazi commit suicide. I try to show the world what I am through my writing and my videos and the world comes biting at me. The agents of the world in various forms, parents, foe, friends, relatives, strangers even will come and tell me how very wrong I am. They make me doubt my intensions, no matter how noble or harmless they were meant to be, these agents tell me they weren’t.
My mother worries I will end up being a monk, give up the worldly desires and just go in the mountains to spend the rest of my days in silence, alone. I think she is not wrong, I just need internet. But for where a person feels he is not understood what other choice does he have? I am no noble, I am no saint, I am but a normal human being who is just trying to fit in somewhere. I am unable to. It’s very hard. I would like to believe I am special, but I don’t do anything out of the world except for talking. I am good at talking, but who likes to listen these days? I even took a strengths test to find out what I am. It’s legit because I paid for it. It’s expensive.
These don’t impress me right now. Someday they might, just not today. Today I am just a normal man wanting to finish off with Game of Thrones because the whole world is watching it and then make a new video for Monday. Putting your feelings down in words help lose a burden. I wish my words help someone else as well. That’s all the misery for today.